I told my husband that if I am still pregnant next Sunday I am not going to church! I think one of the worst questions you can ask a pregnant woman (who is close to her time). "Are you still here?" I have sarcastic tendancies, so I will say, "No I took a trip to the moon". I know it is not loving of me, but its hard to be loving, when you are ready to give birth and are cranky because you havent. I know that is still not a good excuse, but I am being truthful.
My friend who used to live in town and moved to NY 3 years ago, came back for a visit this weekend. We met her after church at a really fun playground/park for lunch. She had some other friends meeting her there too. It was nice to see her, but a little awkward since I only knew one of her friends. My husband really felt out of place. I think I would have just rather have her come for dinner and had some one on one time with her family. Maybe next time I will suggest it.
I went to Walmart last night. I really don't like to shop on Sundays, but I needed to get out of the house and walk, but don't like to walk by myself in my neighborhood (after dark). So I got some Lime Away cleaner for my upstairs toilets which desperately need it and some crayons, markers and colored pencils that they didn't have in stock when I did my back to school shopping. I also picked up another package of cloth diapers to make sure I have enough when the baby arrives, I also picked up a grooming set: hairbrush and comb, nail cutting kit.
I have been feeling really discouraged lately. I really want to have this baby at home, but I am unsure if it is God's will. If I do have it at home I will be on my own, unless God brings a midwife or doula into my life at the last minute. My other two options: the hospital with the backup doctor from my previous midwife or go to my friend's house in VA and her midwife is willing to give me a try. While the latter is the more appealing of the two options, I really dont want to go anywhere. I sometimes wonder how much of this desire is just stubborness or is it of God. When I think of having the baby at home I feel peace, but still have my questions of "what if something goes wrong?". When I think of going to VA, I feel nervous. When I think of going to the hospital, I feel like kicking and screaming. I know I shouldn't act on my feelings, but sometimes it was hard to differentiate between what are my feelings and what is God given instinct!